“A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
- Matthew 22:39
The way we feel about ourselves is a testament to how we will treat other people and will form the foundation of all of our relationships. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence do not only affect the way you view yourself, but they impact how you allow others to see you. As someone who has struggled with both of those things for a long time, I can say that they greatly impacted all of my relationships. I didn’t view myself as a valuable and worthy creation of the Lord and the way I presented myself was a reflection of that.
There is a reason the Lord calls us to learn to love ourselves before we can have an effective connection with other people. Before I started to learn to love myself, I didn’t have uplifting and encouraging relationships in my life. I let people into my circle who the Lord never intended to be there. I found that since I didn’t fully embrace who God created me to be, I stayed in relationships that were destructive to my purpose in the Kingdom. Instead of surrounding myself people who could pour into me, my inner circle consisted of people who continued to take from me. My spirit thirsted for relationships that were invested in helping me walk out my purpose, but because I saw myself as purposeless, I stayed in those destructive relationships.
Sometimes when we don’t love ourselves, we feel like we don’t deserve better than what we have in front of us. Up until recently, I didn’t see my friends as something that would be valuable to other people. I thought that if someone wanted to pursue a friendship with me, then I was blessed, and I was determined not to do anything to mess that up even if it meant hiding pieces of myself. When it came to a romantic relationship, I didn’t think I had choosing power, and because of this, whenever I got any attention from the opposite sex I took full advantage of it; even if it was toxic attention.
Slowly, I started to see that the way I thought about myself was a direct reflection of how others were treating me. I became so frustrated with the relationships in my life and at first, I thought everyone else was the problem. It took a while for me to look in the mirror to realize that although those people were part of the issue, the problem started with me.
To have healthy relationships in our lives, the way you view yourself has to be a direct reflection of the way God views you. He says that we are beautifully and wonderfully made, is that how you view yourself? He says that we all have a purpose in His kingdom, do you believe that? He says that you will be a blessing to others, do you believe you are just as important to a relationship as the other person?
God wants a relationship for us, but for our connections to be everything that He wants them to be, we have to love ourselves. When I started to love myself, I could give that genuine love and care to others. I learned that making a mistake or speaking my mind did not mean I would be abandoned. Although this is still a growing area for me, I know exactly where to go for confirmation when I start to speak negatively of myself. Healthy relationships are important for us to have, but before Godly community comes to us, we have to learn how to love ourselves.
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