He is the Provider

“When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.”

- Psalms 94:19

We’ve all been told in church that the Lord is our provider and the material things on this Earth are just temporary. Living in a society that places an extreme emphasis on self-reliance can cause us to forget that our ultimate provider is not our job or education. God uses these things like resources, but He is the ultimate source.

When I was blessed with a paid internship, my initial intention in applying for the position was not for the money. I wanted to gain work experience and learn from other professional individuals; the pay was just a bonus. My faith in the Lord is what landed me that position but as time went on and I became comfortable, I forgot all about doing God’s work. Suddenly, money was my main motivation for working so hard. I would push myself to my limits trying to work a certain amount of hours in order to earn the ideal paycheck. Even when my course load started to increase, I put work first and as a result, I was physically and mentally drained. I was also spiritually empty.

I viewed my internship paycheck as the source of my food, clothing, entertainment, etc. I lost sight of what God was trying to do in my life through this job, and when He tried to speak to me I was too busy to listen. I blamed my work obligations for my packed schedule when in reality I put more on my plate than God intended. The Lord’s intention for my internship was for it to serve as an educational and financial resource for me. It was not supposed to be the sole source of my purpose and financial stability. But because I looked at my job as the source, seeds of insecurity were planted and I defined myself based on how much money was in my bank account.

When my school work started to pick up, I refused to take time off because I was worried about how I was going to provide for myself. The Lord wanted me to do less so he could do more, but I could not hear his voice over my busy schedule. At one point one of my closest friends who is also my college roommate watched as I got little sleep, no time for myself, and tried to complete all of my homework/studying in late-night sessions. One day she said to me, “why don’t you adjust your work schedule, so you are not working as many hours every day?” With my self-reliant mindset, I responded to her with tears in my eyes and a drained body by staying, “I would but I need the money.”

Sometimes, even believers get stuck so stuck in the go-getter mindset that we forget who our provider is. The Lord was clearly telling me to take a step back so he could step in, but I did not create room for him to do so. He wants us to work hard but we also need to remember that the things of this world are only temporary. I believed in my heart that if I didn’t work as much as I could, I would lack something that I needed. I forgot that the Lord would provide for me as long as I was obedient to His will.

We are called to be managers over what the Lord has given us in this life. My internship was for his glory and I was there to complete a mission on His behalf. When we stop trying to take control of our situation, we invite God to take over.

My prayer to everyone who is reading this is for you to take a moment to listen to the Lord. Ask Him to reveal what area of your life you are trying to control, and when He does, give control back to Him. It doesn’t have to be about your finances, maybe it’s your education or relationship. Whatever it may be, remember it is not the source of your purpose, stability or joy. Even without that thing, the Lord will still provide, and He always will.

Xoxo,

Girl with Grace