After being on a long summer break, I'm excited to be writing again! I’m still in awe of how much this blog has impacted many people, and how much I’ve changed since it first started. I created Gracefully Broken after a long toxic season. I was in the middle of rock bottom, and as I depended on God to pull me out, He did just that and so much more. After that, I prayed that God would show me what I could do to use my new sense of identity, to bless His Kingdom. Slowly, He started to reveal this mission to me, and now the rest is history.
Over a year ago, I took you all on my journey of becoming week after week. I wrote about topics that most people do not talk about and strived to be transparent and authentic. In return, my blog posts have helped me navigate some difficult periods of my life. Post quarantine, we all experienced a new normal. School got crazy, my work-life was overwhelming, and I barely found time to take care of myself. Gracefully Broken took a backseat, and I’m working towards removing it from that position. That process begins with opening up this new season with writing about a topic weighing heavily on my mind. The Future.
I'm someone who likes to control my life. The unknown has never been very appealing to me, and I would much rather plan than living spontaneously. As I’m in my senior year of college (I know, I am still in shock while saying this), I’ve been thinking more and more about the future. In my last blog post, I revealed that I”m working towards getting into law school, with the end career goal of becoming a lawyer. But lately, with this comes a great fear of uncertainty. For some reason, when I was applying to college years ago, I didn’t feel like this. In the end, I always knew I’d be going to college, it was just a matter of which one. But with law school, it’s so much more competitive, I find myself thinking, will I get in anywhere?
So much pressure is on the admissions exam, and test-taking under strict time constraints releases tense anxiety within me. In that situation, my confidence completely goes away, and I second guess everything. So many people say there is a significant amount of weight placed on this one test, which only increases my fear. The future is consistently on my mind, and with that, I’m losing sight of the becoming. What do I mean by that? I’ll elaborate.
There was one week where my thoughts started to spiral completely. So, I started editing an episode I recorded with a guest (head over to the podcast to check it out!). I sent her a message about how amazing the episode was turning out, and after our quick conversation, she sent a message that sparked this blog post. In short, she told me not to worry about doing, but instead to find peace in being in the becoming that’s happening at this moment.
The truth is, no matter how much I focus on calculating all of my moves, they will never add up to the perfect future. God already knows my future, and what’s happening next, is completely up to Him. All I can do is find peace in becoming the person He created me to be. What does that look like? Well, instead of focusing on doing well on the LSAT to hit a certain target score, to get into a particular law school, I can focus on who I’m becoming in that process. That means, focusing on how much my study habits for this test vs. the SAT have changed, and what this says about me as a person. Or, looking at how my life of devotion has increased or decreased, and commit to implementing more discipline.
During my law school journey, I can focus on who I’m becoming, and let God do the rest. For many of us, we’re focused on the next step, while we’re in the place we’ve always prayed to be in. My college experience was everything I prayed for and more, and I want to be able to be present and enjoy the rest of this season. Will, I actively need to prepare for the future? Of course, but I also need to find peace in the preparation stage.
Peace is within all of us, we don’t necessarily have to find it, but we do have to accept it. I want to work towards accepting God’s peace while I’m on the journey. I also want to continue to be open to His plan for me. We're always going to be thinking about the next step, but what would our life look like if we stopped, accepted God’s peace, and remained there as we’re becoming?
XoXo,
Girl with Grace