“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the Source of all comfort.”
2 Corinthians 1:3 NLT
It’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog post, and lately, I haven't prioritized my purpose. It seemed like when everything was starting to come together, slowly it all fell apart. It’s officially been one year since I launched the Gracefully Broken Blog and by now, there was supposed to be a youtube channel. When I got ready to post my first official video, everything that could’ve gone wrong, went wrong. For a week, I wasn’t in the best place, and honestly. I had to start from the bottom, and everything I’ve worked on in the last few weeks is completely gone.
I found myself reevaluating God’s promise for my life and comparing myself to other people who are doing the same thing as me. Was I not supposed to launch a youtube channel? Did I get my purpose all wrong? Is there something I’m doing wrong, that God wants to punish me for?
A few weekends ago I went to an amazing conference called ‘Father Heart of God'. I spent an entire weekend understanding the true heart of the Lord while working through some of the challenging experiences from my past. Throughout this conference, I learned a lot, but two things stood out to me the most. One, is that forgiveness is the key to living in freedom, and two, I’ve seen God all wrong.
For the last three years, I haven’t been able to enjoy my life to the fullest. I find myself always bracing for the impact of the next bad thing that’s going to take place in my life. Because of this, I’ve viewed God as an angry father who’s ready to take things from me. When life is good, I’m waiting for God to take something from me, and this has become extremely unhealthy for me. It’s created constant anxiety, unhappiness, and toxic thinking. These days, I find that my mind doesn’t stop racing, and I’m waiting for the day where I can relax and enjoy my life.
But, the key to enjoying my life is changing my perception of God. The more I see Him as angry, the more distance I create in our relationship. In life, things are going to happen, and no one has a perfect life. We all have baggage we carry around, waiting to unload.
A year ago, my first blog post was titled ‘He is the Provider’ and that’s just as true now as it was today. Sometimes, when we let our emotions take over, we mistake how we feel with what we know. These past few weeks, I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how I feel because I know God is good. Even though I have to start from the beginning, the Gracefully Broken youtube channel will still launch very soon. Even though I’m still experiencing restless nights, I need to remember how good God is.
It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post, and it feels really good to write again. From the beginning, I promised to be honest and transparent with you all, and one year later, I still stand by that. Thank you for walking this journey with me.
Xoxo,
Girl with Grace