Flourishing Friendships: Conflict Is Okay

“ The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”

- Proverbs 27:9

My friendships have been one of the most influential relationships in my life because I've learned so much from them. Friendships can be a rich addition to our lives if we invite God into the selection process. But if we keep Him out of the equation, we risk encountering a storm He never intended for us to go through. Life lasting friendships take time to develop and everyone involved plays a part.

For a long time, I tried to refrain from any type of conflict in my friendships. I thought the easiest way to defuse a situation was to dismiss my feelings, but this only created more problems. I learned that suppressing my feelings just to avoid conflict creates toxicity in all of my relationships and it will continue to resurface. Over the years, the conflict has truly blessed some of my friendships because it’s revealed what lies within our hearts. For instance, if hateful words spilled out when there was conflict, I knew it was time to sit and evaluate the contents in each of our hearts. Taking the time to do this allowed for the root of the problem to be addressed.

Healthy conflict in our friendships is important and working through issues with your friends is what brings us closer as long as it is done effectively. Gossiping has been one of the fastest ways to plant a negative seed in friendships. Suddenly, you start treating each other differently because of what's been said behind closed doors. This is something I’ve had to continuously work on amongst my friends because I don't always know how to express my feelings productively. When you want to express your frustration towards your friends without directly speaking to them, seek God and He will provide you with listening ears and guidance. Gossip should no longer be our go-to coping mechanism if we want to maintain healthy life-lasting friendships.

Not only does the Lord want valuable connections for us, but He wants us to have healthy connections. Everyone who we call a friend does not always have our best interest at heart and sometimes conflict within our friendships reveals that to us. Avoiding conflict may solve a short-term issue, but as a result, it creates surface-level relationships. Flourishing friendships require full transparency so they can be meaningful. Friendship has been the foundation for all of my relationships and it’s where I’ve learned the most about myself.

We should not be afraid of conflict because it can play a very important role in our friendships. If you are constantly at odds with your friends, it may be time to invite God into your situation and allow Him to guide you. It took me years to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict. From my experience, for conflict to be healthy, there needs to be a resolution and a plan for reconciliation. Too often we say we forgive those who have hurt us, but we are still holding on to what they did in our last conflict.

As sad as it may be, some people are placed in our life for a specific season and when their time is up, we have to accept that. However, I know this can be easier said than done because emotions are very real. I've had to walk away from a fair share of friendships in my life; some I was ready to and others I wasn't. I found myself trying to hold on to friendships that was hanging on by a thread and that only created more hurt and disappointment. When you find yourself having to walk away from a friendship, focus on seeking God for healing. It's important to handle the situation with intentionality, especially when there is a long history involved.

With that said, if the wound is too deep, do not rush the process of reconciliation as it will only lead to a lack of transparency and intimacy. It’s important to give everyone involved their space to heal and gradually take steps to repair what’s broken. For a conflict to positively impact our friendships, forgiveness needs to be present. When we choose to forgive, we commit to putting the past behind us and viewing that friendship from a new lens. The bottom line is, don’t run away from conflict in your friendships! Take the time to work through it and heal so you can maintain the valuable connections God has placed in your life.

Xoxo,

Girl With Grace

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