Ever walked through a period where it felt like God was against you? Getting hit by multiple trials and thinking, “when will this end?” or, “will I ever get to experience the good moments?” Those are both thoughts going through my mind constantly. That’s expected when we’re going through something traumatic, but what about in the good times?
When I got to college, I hit a tough two years, with trials coming every few months. I never got a break, and after a while, I became numb, and mentally I was preparing for something to wreck my world at any moment, every single day.
About a year ago, I started to experience a season of harvest. For once, there wasn’t a huge crisis that needed my attention, I’m in an amazing relationship, those around me are happy and healthy, I’m good. But yet, I haven’t been able to enjoy it. Instead of reaping the harvest and truly enjoying this time, I find myself feeling guilty for being happy. On top of feeling guilty, I’m constantly waiting for God to take everything from me.
I couldn’t enjoy moments with my friends or family, without thinking about what bad thing could take place at that moment. With every beautiful date my boyfriend planned for me, I started to prepare myself for God to take the relationship from me. All of these thoughts were rooted in how I viewed God in my life.
I viewed God as someone who only took from me. I've robbed myself of so many precious moments, because of this thought process. And I think it’s because I still don’t have a clear understanding of the role God wants trials to play in our lives.
Of course, no one promised that walking with Christ would be easy, but is He a God that consistently inflicts trials on us? Does He want us to enjoy the good moments? I still struggle with trying to find the answers to these questions. But I do know one thing, God wants us to live a life of abundance. Yes, there will be hard times, His word says that these trials are not supposed to last forever. Those two facts tell me that God is not working to consistently inflict trials on us, and He does want us to enjoy the good moments.
But we also have to get to a point where if everything was taken from us, we know that God is sufficient to get through it. I’m learning that it’s okay to embrace the seasons of harvest, and God wants me to do that. He doesn’t want me to live a life where I’m constantly on edge, waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. I think it takes true trust to be able to know that whatever season I’m in, God has my best interest at heart.
Waiting for the shoe to drop is not the kind of life I want to live. It’s not fun experiencing life at the edge of my seat and I want to get to the point where I embrace the now and find peace in that. If you're experiencing these emotions as well, I want you to know that you're not alone. I feel you, and more importantly, God sees you. We're going to get through this together, and ultimately we have to remember that God always has our best interest at heart. Whether we believe it or not, He wants us to live a life of abundance more than we want that for ourselves.
XoXo,
Girl With Grace
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